i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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