fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
