WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
