Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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