I need help removing her.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
