this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
