he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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