I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
