she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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