I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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