i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
time to smoke my breakfast
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
