I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
