god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
