so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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