I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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