Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
