i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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