Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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