And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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