they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
