Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and you said cock pushups were impossible
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
