When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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