pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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