He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
