We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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