im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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