Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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