Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
