Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Please don't give away my fajitas
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
