Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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