I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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