upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
