Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
