i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
