I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
