I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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