whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
