i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
