im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
