idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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