I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
