i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
