lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
