did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
