You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
