did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
