All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
