i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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