I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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