Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
